My super long but totally amazing story

Welcome to my blog! Have you ever had one of those ridiculously super long stories to tell that is so amazing that you can't miss any details in the story? Well I do,and after telling the story so many times to family and friends I began to think how much easier it would be to just blog about it! So here it is....


For the past 10 years my New Years resolution has been the same thing.,to find my biological father. It was right on the list with the normal: Lose weight, get organized,ect. And just like those, each year I set myself up for dissapointment by never being able to achieve my goal. I would spend countless hours on the internet searching names and addresses, but with the limited information I had, it became tiring and I eventually would give up. I never thought that 2010 would be the last year I would make this resolution.


When I was two years old I was adopted by my step-father Carl. I didnt know this until I was about 11 years old. I was going through some old photo albums and I found a social security card with my name and the last name Wilson.  I knew that my older sister Courtney had a different last name before my Dad had adopted her and at the time all I could think of was could he have adopted me as well? I kept quiet about it, until one night when I overheard Courtney talking to her husband. I heard her say that our Dad had adopted the two of us in 1984 and to her surprise I spoke up and said "I knew it"! She said that she had always promised if I ever asked her for the truth that she would give it to me. She told me my fathers name and that when our mother was pregnant with me, they moved back to Virginia from Florida. My father went to Chicago, IL to look for work and was to send money back to my mom for her  and Courtney to come to Chicago, but he never returned. She said that our mom wasn't devastated but seemed happy about the outcome and when I was six weeks old she met the man, that I would call Dad.


It wasn't until I was 13 that I brought up the question to my mother. She of course told me that my sister was a liar, but I knew the truth. At this point my parents had been separated for years. They both had new companions and I only got to see my dad every so often. He moved around between Tennessee and Virginia. My mom finally decided that she would file for child support when I was 15. My dad had always struggled with alcoholism, but this would outrage him and his drinking got worse. After a custody dispute and child support hearing he would have to pay but he got to see us every other weekend. Angrily, one night he said to me, "I don't know why I have to pay for you anyway, your not even mine, your mom sent your father away when she was pregnant with you". I was hurt, but to hear the words come from him gave me the confirmation that I much needed.He later apologized whole heartedly and said that he wanted to find my real father so that I would have medical history if god forbid I ever needed it. He said he paid US search 300$ but with only a name they were unable to find him. When I confronted my mother about what my dad had confirmed, she gave me her version of the truth. She said that my father was a musician that she met in Florida. He was a good man, polite, clean cut, he went to church, and he was very talented. She said they dated for a few months and one day they drove out to Missouri. There she would find out that he had a wife that was expecting there first child. This excited me, so I exclaimed, "You're telling me that I have a brother or sister around the same age as me?" and she said "Yep"!  She stated that he had separated from his wife while she was pregnant and moved to Florida. A few months later my mom was pregnant with me and they decided to come to Virginia where all my mothers family lived, so he could look for work. When they got to Virginia he was offered many jobs but was just lazy and all he wanted to do was play music. He told her he would go to Chicago where he had family and look for a job, and when he got one he would send her and my sister money to buy a plane ticket to fly out. She said he was gone for months and she never heard from him. I was born at the end of May in 1982 and she moved on. I told her about the social security card that I had found because oddly the last name on the card didn't match the name of the person that everyone had told me about. She said that Wilson was the last name of the man that she was with before she met my father. She gave me his last name so that we would not be found. Of course I had the question, could this Wilson person be my real father? But she says he had a vasectomy in 1980, so not possible.And so the story goes on. She met my Dad when I was six weeks old and from that point on he would be my father and I was to know no different. They married and he adopted my sister and I,  and they had two boys after that. She made me promise that I would never forget who my REAL dad was and I never will. Sadly, he passed away  in 1999 two days before my 17th birthday.


After moving out of my mothers house, I began searching for my biological father out of curiosity mostly. But life kept me busy. I got married in 2001 and we have two beautiful little boys that are 9 and 4. The thought was always there and it was the same resolution every year. Then in 2007, my oldest son who was 6 at the time fell very ill. He went into septic shock after having a very bad case of strep throat. That story is a whole other blog entry. After being hospitalized a very sick little boy, the doctors needed a full medical history on each parent. I explained to them that I knew my mothers side but I had no information on my fathers side. This would give me the determination I needed to really do an extensive search for my biological father.


From the little information my mom did give me, I knew his father lived in Cape Coral, Florida and began sending letters explaining my search. But never any response. In November 2008, I found a site for Marion, KY that showed all the public records for personal property taxes in Marion. His name was on the list. I wasn't 100% sure it was him, but I also saw a website called Topix which is a public forum for any town in the US. So I left a comment on the forum saying I was looking for him and that he showed up on my family tree, and I would like to get more information on him and his family. I left my email address and asked if anyone with any information would please email me. I never received any email. At this point, I again had given up. Little things would remind me to look and I would google his name from time to time, but still nothing.It was as if I were looking for an invisible man.  In April of this year,after my grandmothers passing, I was going through some drawers in her house and I found letters and a picture. The picture of my mom and a man embracing. I asked her who it was and she just kind of smirked and said its Butch. I was amazed, after all I had never seen a picture of what he looked like. The only description I had of him was he was extremely tall and you could tell by the way he was bending down in the picture to kiss my mother just how tall he really had to be. I mischievously snuck the picture and the letters in my bag and as soon as I got home sprawled them out on the kitchen table. Nothing in the letters revealed anything that I hadn't already known. But it did get me back on google. And what I would find would change my life FOREVER!


When I googled his name I found two things, a facebook page for what would be his band, and a response to my Topix post from November 2009, exactly a year from my original post. The comment said "That's actually my dad, good luck finding him, but if you want information on me and my kids let me know." I had never been so excited! I immediately responded with my email address asking the person to please email me. I responded not once but three times! I noticed that the response came from someone in Missouri and at that moment I knew that the person on the other side of the forum was my brother or sister that was around the same age. I waited a few days, and in the mean time sent a message through facebook asking if the lead singer had lived in Florida in the early 80's and if he had ever written a song titled "little girl". Little Girl was a song that my mom had saved from when they were dating but gave the music and lyrics to my Aunt who was also a musician. She told me about this later on, so I knew that if he said yes that he wrote that song, I had the right musician. I got no response on facebook, but finally an email. She stated that she hadn't seen or heard from him since she was 11 but had recently found him in December 2009 in Kentucky. My sisters name was Jami! I was beyond words with emotion. She then asked me why I was looking for him. So I had to tell her the truth. I said he wasn't so much on my family tree, but on my birth certificate! I told her he was my biological father and the story of what I had been told. I explained that I wasn't looking to disrupt any ones life and that I mainly was looking to find him for medical history. She didn't seem surprised at all. In fact, she was very welcoming to the fact that I was her sister. She told me that we had another sister that lived in Florida and a sister and brother that lived with him in Kentucky along with the rest of his family. I told her I was on facebook and we immediately logged on and found each other. We spoke on the phone the next day and I felt as if I had known her for 27 years. It was the most amazing feeling. She emailed me pictures of her and him when she was a baby and a recent photo of him and his siblings. My first thought was what kind eyes he had. My second was, I have his ears, as do all the rest of his kids come to find out.

We decided together that it would be best to hold off on telling our dad. After all, we didn't know if he knew about me and I knew he was remarried and didn't want to start any trouble. We decided that she would get him alone and tell him. But, I forgot about the facebook message I sent to the band. After talking for 2 weeks almost daily with Jami either by phone or on the Internet, I received a reply from the drummer in the band. He said, " I know he played in Florida back then, and he did write songs, and one of them may have been little girl".  He then asked how I knew him.  I replied that he and my mom dated back then and she had kept the song, and I just thought it would be neat if the man who wrote it, was still writing. He then asked what my  moms name was. I immediately called Jami. We both agreed that if I told him the name, our dad would know who I was. I mean it was too obvious, 27 year old girl asks about a man her mom dated 27 years ago? I told him her name, and attached the picture I had found.Then came the questions, "How old are you", "Can you send me a picture of yourself?" Jami and I were laughing our butts off. We wished we could have seen his face right about then. Little did we know, he had already contacted his sister Tanya who was on facebook in a matter of minutes! She told him to call Jami, because she was friends with me on facebook! He then called Jami and of course wanted answers, so she gave him the full story! She said he was shocked but excited and wanted to talk to me. Unfortunately, I was scheduled to work that afternoon but I told her to tell him I would call him the next day.

The following day, I have never been so nervous in my life. EVER! I kept picking up the phone looking at it scared to death. My nerves finally got the best of me and I called Jami and asked her to call him for me and tell him to call me. I just couldn't bring myself to dial those numbers. He agreed and within a half an hour the phone rang .I picked it up,as my heart pounded so loudly I swear you could have heard it if you were standing next to me. I heard his deep but nice voice on the other end say "Marti, Hi! This is your dad, or Butch? I said "No, Butch will be fine, for now." He understood and said that a Dad is someone who was there for you always and he didn't get that chance. We talked for 2 hours. He of course had a completely different story to tell from my mothers. He said that when he left for Chicago, it took him a few weeks to find work, but he finally did and when he called back to tell her he was sending her money to fly out, she was gone. No one knew where she had gone. Not my Uncle or my grandparents knew where she was, and they assumed she had gone back to Florida. He says he tried to contact her friends in Florida and a woman there stated that she had miscarried. He said he was heartbroken. But he always felt that I was out there. I told him that I didnt know who was telling the truth, but wasnt concerned with that now. I was happy with the outcome. Had the decisions that were made not been made, I wouldnt have had my Dad, or his family. I wouldnt have my two younger brothers,or have met my future husband. And without him, I wouldnt have my babies. Now was all about the future and he agreed. At the end of the conversation, I had just started getting comfortable and he said " I just want you to know, I have always loved you, even if it was just the idea of you". These to me were the most heart wrenching of words. I wanted to cry so bad. We hung up the phone and I lost it. The moment that I had waited for so long, had come and I knew I would remember the way I felt at that moment, for the rest of my life.

Four months have passed, and I continue to speak to Jami almost daily. We are so much alike and our boys are too. Her 11 year old and my 9 year old began talking on facebook as well, and have become the best of friends. I have only talked to Butch a handful of times but each time feels more comforting and real.I made him a scrabook of me from when I was a baby to now for Fathers day that he enjoyed very much. I haven't brought myself to call him Dad. I promised my mom I wouldnt ever call him Dad. Besides, I had one of those, wouldnt it be wrong to give that title away? Thats not to say that I don't want to. It seems so easy to say "my dad" but theres always that voice in the back of my mind, knowing that he is watching from above and wondering if he is upset with me for wanting to have this man in my life. I pray he knows he will never be replaced. I am hoping this discomfort will ease, because, this coming weekend my husband, myself and my boys are going to Kentucky to meet my new family for the first time. There are so many emotions but I am almost certain that meeting my father, meeting my new family, I will finally feel complete.